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March 27, 2006
Excerpt from: Secret lovers
What lurks in your partner's past?
BY DEBORAH SWANEY
If it's you who's keeping secrets, ask yourself why. Are you afraid the person will react unreasonably? If you're walking on eggshells around him, he may not be the right person for you, says Shoshanna Rikon, founder of Shoshanna's Matchmaking Service, a dating service.
Secret-keepers should confront their fears of rejection. "Another reason people aren't totally honest with the people they date is because they're afraid they won't be liked anymore," Rikon says. "You've got to be pretty upfront with what you want and need, or else you're just wasting your time. Time is valuable in the city, and we're not desperate. There are enough people out there so that there's a pot for every lid."
Chipko's a big believer in this philosophy. "Ever since I started being really straightforward with women I meet, I've found that the one thing I have to make extra clear is that I'm not looking for something long-term right now, because now that I'm so upfront, more women seem interested in me than ever!"